Naff Garden Plants, Poo Bags For Bears & Bitchy Cats

Another month and another round of weird and wonderful search terms for you all to enjoy! April provided us with some beauties, and so I’ve picked the funniest and most random entries submitted by our account managers, all in the name of lols! Let’s go!

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The April Mabo Search Term Query Report (STQR) by Matthew Soakell
We kick things off – see what I did there? – with a search term from an account in the healthcare industry. I’m going to stick my neck out and say that bashing your foot isn’t the best way to cure your plantar fasciitis. I’d pop back to your GP if I were you.
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The April Mabo Search Term Query Report (STQR) by Matthew Soakell
It may be of no surprise to you that this search comes from an account in the lighting industry. I particularly like the honesty of the user, but why they chose to share this information with Google, I don’t know. I’ve loved Norwich City since I was a child, but I don’t go telling Google that. Weird. Also, who loves lights this much apart from moths?
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The April Mabo Search Term Query Report (STQR) by Matthew Soakell
I’m torn between having sympathy for this person and also laughing and thinking ‘you daft idiot’. I’d like to say it’s something we’ve all done, but I’d be lying. It may be of no surprise to you all that this one stems from the automotive industry and I think it’s safe to say that an auto-locksmith will have had a call off the back of this search.
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The April Mabo Search Term Query Report (STQR) by Matthew Soakell
Changing things up slightly, we move on to ‘bear sized poop bags’. Surely there’s not just me who has several questions immediately off the back of this query? Firstly, the search comes from the pet supplies industry, which begs the question ‘Who has a pet bear?’ But equally, when you search for ‘bear sizes poop bags’ (I checked so you didn’t have to), there aren’t any products; which begs the question, is there a gap in the market for this product? If you’re the owner of a bear and have been looking for some bear sizes poop bags, give me a shout, I’ve got a side-business proposition for you…
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The April Mabo Search Term Query Report (STQR) by Matthew Soakell
Sticking with the pet supplies industry, we have this beauty. As much as I’d love this search to be relating to a cat that’s been particularly bitchy and sassy recently, I reckon it’s safe to say that it relates to female cats.
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The April Mabo Search Term Query Report (STQR) by Matthew Soakell
I don’t know what’s more shocking; the misspell of court, the fact this search term appeared in a homeware account, or that you’d want to bring your kids along to a court case? Who does that?
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The April Mabo Search Term Query Report (STQR) by Matthew Soakell
This one made me laugh the most out of all the searches submitted in the last month. It comes from the computer industry, surprisingly… but I get the impression the user who searched this is stressing out big time and is flapping over how slowly the ordering system is running. I’m picturing the gif of Sheldon Cooper breathing heavily into a paper bag.
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The April Mabo Search Term Query Report (STQR) by Matthew Soakell
First of all, just to be grammatically correct, you only use ‘an’ if the next word begins with a vowel. Now I’ve got that out of my system, I’m going to suggest that people don’t start throwing laptops around. Although if you’re absolutely positive that this is some kind of weird hobby that you want to start, then get yourself a flight case or something. It will be of no surprise that this one came from the computer industry.
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The April Mabo Search Term Query Report (STQR) by Matthew Soakell
When trains were first developed and released for general public use, it was thought that the speed of the trains would make you go crazy. I thought we’d left those theories behind. Evidently not. I would appreciate any expert electrical industry insights as to any electrical equipment that can make you go dizzy; hit me up on Twitter (@matthewsoakell).
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The April Mabo Search Term Query Report (STQR) by Matthew Soakell
Last but not least, we have a superb search that I imagine comes from Barry, aged 52 from Hull. Well rest assured, fellow Google user, there are plenty of amazing places to buy fake/faux plants out there; you’ve just got to look hard enough for your evergreen plants.
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And now for the disclaimer: all of our accounts go through rigorous vetting and scrutiny when it comes to the search term query reports, and any search that isn’t relevant is excluded in order to distance the account from irrelevant traffic and clicks on searches that would never convert. This applies to all of the above searches; if they’re relevant to the account, then great, but if not, the account manager will have excluded the search term from triggering in the future.

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