Young Love, Addiction & Anger Management Issues

Well, it’s New Year. Looking back over 2019 we’ve seen many changes here at Mabo: we’ve grown beyond a milestone 50 members of staff, expanded by adding a second floor to our office and we were recognised with a number of awards and nominations. However, some things never change, and, rest assured that going into the new decade people are still providing us with questionable, often hilarious search terms for your amusement.

So let’s dive straight in!

What kind of experience do you have to have had in the past in order to specifically search for this the next time you want a window cleaner? I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t realise there were any other options here. Clothed would definitely be my preference when looking for a window cleaner. I find it awkward enough just sitting in the living room when the guy’s outside washing the windows let alone if he was starkers!

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If you’ve searched high and low and still can’t find the source of the smell, have you thought that perhaps… it’s you?

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(Insert joke about the name ‘Woody’ here). In all seriousness though, I find the lack of respect for the private lives of celebrities disgusting. First, it was Jennifer Lawrence, then Kaley Cuoco, and now poor Sheriff Woody. Is there no privacy anymore?!

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This surely represents the greatest example of the literary technique ’stream of consciousness’ since James Joyce’s ‘Ulysses’. That reference, by the way, was for all you pseudo-intellectuals out there and shall, without doubt, be the token high-brow dalliance we take here today amongst the accompanying deluge of obscenity; so let’s all just take a second to savour this moment..

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I’m just gonna say it – I think that’s probably too young to be married. That’s a whirlwind nursery romance if ever I’ve seen one. They’ve definitely rushed into it. I mean, you’re a completely different person at 7 to who you are at 3. It’ll never last.

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Sometimes you just get so ******* angry and ****** off that you can’t ****** help taking **** out on the ******* search engine! The pretentious, know-it-all, smug, little ******* ****. **** it all! Just give me some mother******* purple violet sweets you ****! Arghhhh!

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Now addiction to children’s dolls and related accessories is a serious illness and deserves to be treated as such. One day you’ll be innocently looking forward to the release of the new Lily Anna doll with accompanying riding outfit and the next you’re going hungry because you’re scraping what little money you have left towards attaining the Our Generation Off Roader Pink Jeep that you just can’t live without. Then when you can no longer see the floor of your bedroom for the swathe of plastic toy horses and after a somewhat embarrassing intervention from your family, you’ll end up in rehab. After successfully overcoming your demons and finding a new life for yourself in the world of digital marketing you’ll still feel compelled to lie to your new work colleagues about how you once ‘lived in Canada for a year working as a door-to-door salesman’ because you’re too ashamed to tell people the truth. A likely story.

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No idea, mate. Not a clue. Can’t have been one of the greatest cultural icons of the 20th century that’s for sure. If this was searched for by anyone other than our aforementioned, wedded 3 year old then I have lost all faith in humanity. I’m all shook up! Sorry, I just had to.

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We all lead hectic, busy lives these days. We’re living increasingly isolated lives despite the prevalence of so-called ’social’ media. We spend hours swiping right on infamous apps that shall not be named just for the sweet, sporadic hits of dopamine. Basically, it can be difficult to meet people in this day and age. I mean..so I hear. Obviously I wouldn’t know.. But nobody wants to be lonely, even if that means having a companion made out of rubber. So let’s cut ‘em some slack eh?

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The disclaimer

 And now, for anyone wondering what happens to all these search terms, the disclaimer: all our accounts go through rigorous checks and relevancy examination when it comes to the search term query reports. Any search that is deemed irrelevant is excluded in order to cut spending on wasted traffic. So rest assured, all of these search terms will have been dealt with appropriately!


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