Flatulence, Darwinism & Impending Divorce

Another month goes by and another eclectic batch of ludicrous search terms surface. It may be the shortest month of the year, but February certainly doesn’t fall short when it comes to the downright peculiar. Whether it’s menopausal wives accusing their husbands of affairs or underground trampoline strip club fetishes, February doesn’t disappoint.

Welcome to our very vagarious Valentine’s edition!

 

Poor Henry. We know the 14th is a tough time for some bachelors and bachelorettes, but it seems unnecessary to bring our adorable household treasure into this. Maybe this new experience could be a potentially lucrative career change for Henry. Let’s hope they asked for his consent.

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Looks like Harry’s wand has made an impression on someone. The Wizarding World is a magical place, full of fantasy and die-hard fans with, well, what seems like even bigger fantasies. Who knows, maybe J. K. Rowling has a raunchy sequel in the works…

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Well, this is a prime example of a search term that definitively stinks. To answer this person’s question; a trip to the doctor’s would be a good starting point, followed by a prescription of antibiotics, some self-control and a GCSE spelling, punctuation and grammar guide.

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I mean, I’m fairly certain he’d be capable of that, yes. I’ve yet to come across a disclaimer at a checkout that warns against wearing a specific item of clothing based on sexuality. Finding the appropriate shop might prove a little more difficult though. Hopefully this person’s metrosexuality shone through and they embraced their inner John Wayne in all of its fabulous glory.

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That’s right ladies and gents – If you can’t afford a therapist and need a quick solution, then Google is your best friend. I can almost feel the frustration and imminent mid-life marital collapse venting through the monitor with this one.

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Some people should not be allowed access to the internet, electricity, water or anything else for that matter without supervision… Simply shocking.

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I’d imagine it would take a somewhat impressive degree of skill to take your clothes off whilst mid-air. Nevertheless, this person was determined to cross one off the bucket list. I’m slightly intrigued myself – I bet the atmosphere is bouncing.

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And as we draw this month’s stupendous, albeit sensational search terms to a looming end, we can’t help but wonder, why Jeff? More importantly, what were this person’s intentions with Jeff? Was Jeff just an unfortunate decoy? A mere pawn in this person’s more elaborate plan Maybe I’ve blown this way out of proportion – Unbelievable, Jeff (Sorry, couldn’t help it).

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The disclaimer

 And now, for anyone wondering what happens to all these search terms, the disclaimer: all our accounts go through rigorous checks and relevancy examination when it comes to the search term query reports. Any search that is deemed irrelevant is excluded in order to cut spending on wasted traffic. So rest assured, all of these search terms will have been dealt with appropriately!


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